My wife and I struggled over this document, each giving and editing till we agreed on the Norms for our marriage. And as you may surmise by this, she is home. She came home! Praise G-d! Enjoy.
1. Remember that we love each other.
Ephesians 4:2-3 — Always be humble, gentle and patient, bearing with one another in love, and making every effort to preserve the unity the Spirit gives through the binding power of shalom.
2. Listen respectfully when the other is speaking.
Luke 11:28 — But he said, “Far more blessed are those who hear the word of God and obey it!”
3. Provide opportunity for the other person to speak.
Proverbs 15:23 — People take pleasure in anything they say; but a word at the right time, is very good
4. Choose to be solution oriented.
Proverbs 3:6 — In all your ways acknowledge him; then He will level your paths.
5. Acknowledge that Adonai is the ruler of the Universe and also our home.
Joshua 24: 15 If it seems bad to you to serve Adonai, then choose today whom you are going to serve! Will it be the gods your ancestors served beyond the River? or the gods of the Emori, in whose land you are living? As for me and my household we will serve Adonai!
5A. Acknowledge the plain meaning of scripture –
II Timothy 3:16 — All Scripture is God-breathed and is valuable for teaching the truth, convicting of sin, correcting faults and training in right living; thus anyone who belongs to God may be fully equipped for every good work.
6. Take time to relax together, unwind, date night.
Ecclesiastes 11:10 — Therefore, remove anger from your heart; and keep from harming your body; for neither adolescence nor youth has any lasting value.
6A. Sex – I Corinthians 7:5 — Do not deprive each other, except for a limited time, by mutual agreement, and then only so as to have extra time for prayer; but afterwards, come together again. Otherwise, because of your lack of self-control, you may succumb to the Adversary’s temptation.
6B. Personal time – Matthew 6:6 — But you, when you pray, go into your room, close the door, and pray to your Father in secret. Your (heavenly) Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.
7. Honor your vows, do not make rash promises.
Ecclesiastes 5:4 — Better not to make a vow than to make a vow and not discharge it.
Barriers and Concerns
8. Scheduled time for each other – body clock, needs to take into consideration for work.
Ecclesiastes 3: 7– a time to tear and a time to sew, a time to keep silent and a time to speak
9. At times the articulation of situations is difficult because it may be stated in a way that is not received well by the other person.
Jeremiah 33:3 — Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know. ‘
10. Express needs in a timely manner; seek to clarify not confront
Ephesians 4:26 — Be angry, but don ‘t sin – don ‘t let the sun go down before you have dealt with the cause of your anger;
11. Take time for personal health – hormone levels & allergies, family, social relationships, personal choices with time usage, and husband – work and other.
1 Peter 5: 7 — Throw all your anxieties upon him, because he cares about you.
12. Learn to focus and listen for meaning in the moments of silence.
James 1:26 — Anyone who thinks he is religiously observant but does not control his tongue is deceiving himself, and his observance counts for nothing.
Ecclesiastes 3:7 — a time to tear and a time to sew, a time to keep silent and a time to speak,
13. Prioritize/Honor scheduled times, whenever possible. If not then reschedule next opportunity.
Colossians 4:5 — Behave wisely toward outsiders, making full use of every opportunity
14. Articulate the feeling in difficult situations in a way that is received well by the other person.
Ephesians 4:29 — Let no harmful language come from your mouth, only good words that are helpful in meeting the need, words that will benefit those who hear them.
15. Never assume understanding, ask for clarification before action.
Proverbs 4:7 — The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding.
Goals and Opportunities
16. Honor commitments.
2 Timothy 2:15 — Do all you can to present yourself to God as someone worthy of his approval, as a worker with no need to be ashamed, because he deals straightforwardly with the Word of the Truth.
17. Articulate feelings/needs in a kind and timely manner.
Proverbs 16:24 — Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweet to the taste and healing for the body.
Dr. Ramón de Torres Next Page: On Marriage and Faith
Edited: June 25, 2020