While surfing the web I found a website by a woman who realized she’d erred horribly in ending her marriage. My thoughts on this are by design rather narrow, after all, Matthew 7:14 tells us that the way to life is through the narrow gate, finding it and entering therein is hard.
This woman is still hurt by her own actions ten years after she deliberately divorced her husband. She cries out, “I have never found anyone I loved nearly as much as my ex-husband.” Even though she still aches for her ex, his actions taken after the damage done to his heart demonstrates his profound sense of betrayal. He found another woman and was remarried within 6 months of the divorce; which, in itself illustrates how torn he was inside for he found another woman who showed him loving kindness and then married her. Thus the first violation of G-d’s law was her divorce, not his 2nd marriage.
Why do I phrase it this way? The answer is partly that I was married for 23 years to one woman. Her mother had passed on and she was devastated. Her sorrow began to intrude into our marriage. I had read books on how to have a good marriage, I convinced her we should to counseling (but she quit), I made so many changes to be the man she wanted I lost count. I tried in every way to save my marriage. My heart was shattered and torn. I felt like a loser no one could love and continued to feel that way for nearly 2 years afterwards. It wasn’t until I looked up to heaven and cried out, “Lord, I am tired of being alone” that I found a marvelous and beautiful, loving and kind woman who fell in love with me. That was 15 years ago and we are still very happily married, but I digress. I was writing about another couple, another woman who walked out of her marriage.
I believe (having been abandoned myself) that her husband must must have been thoroughly devastated by the divorce. This unknown woman never mentions his feelings about being divorced, except to say, almost casually that her ex is “unhappily remarried.” Then she continues to say she is still in love with her ex-husband after realizing their marriage wasn’t perfect but it was brilliant. “Perhaps one day, when his kids are grown up, we might be able to have another shot at happiness,” as if happiness is the measure of your relationship with Messiah. Thus the second instance of violating G-d’s law, whereas the first was her committing the divorce itself (while selfishly seeking “happiness.”) Yet, what does scripture tell us about divorce and remarriage. The following passage tells us that a woman who is divorced by her husband, who then goes out and remarries may not return to her first husband after the remarriage.
“When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out from his house, and she leaves his house and goes and becomes another man’s wife, and if the latter husband turns against her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took her to be his wife, then her former husband who sent her away is not allowed to take her again to be his wife, since she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the LORD, and you shall not bring sin on the land which the LORD your God gives you as an inheritance.”
Deuteronomy 24:1-4 (NASB)
So this woman left her husband and found a new man, says it didn’t work out (she never says if they married) and now yearns to be reunited with her first husband. He, at least, is staying with his second wife because he has children and a sense of moral obligation to stay married for their sake.
I truly hope this woman who let her emotions destroy her first marriage won’t pursue what she left and lead to the destruction of her husband’s second marriage. That would be worse than the first divorce for it would be an “abomination before the LORD.” Furthermore, innocent children do not deserve to experience what she has done to herself!
Dr. Ramón Argila de Torres y Sandoval