Norms

This is a reposting of a previous post.

1. Remember that we love each other.

Ephesians 4:2-3 — Always be humble, gentle and patient, bearing with one another in love, and making every effort to preserve the unity the Spirit gives through the binding power of shalom.

2. Listen respectfully when the other is speaking.

Luke 11:28 — But he said, “Far more blessed are those who hear the word of God and obey it!”

3. Provide opportunity for the other person to speak.

Proverbs 15:23 — People take pleasure in anything they say; but a word at the right time, is very good

4. Choose to be solution oriented.

Proverbs 3:6 — In all your ways acknowledge him; then He will level your paths.

5. Acknowledge that Adonai is the ruler of the Universe and also our home.

If it seems bad to you to serve Adonai, then choose today whom you are going to serve! Will it be the gods your ancestors served beyond the River? or the gods of the Emori, in whose land you are living? As for me and my household we will serve Adonai!

5A. Acknowledge the plain meaning of scripture –  II Timothy 3:16 — All Scripture is God-breathed and is  valuable for teaching the truth, convicting of sin, correcting faults and training in right living; thus anyone who belongs to God may be fully equipped for every good work.

6. Take time to relax together, unwind, date night.

Ecclesiastes 11:10 — Therefore, remove anger from your heart; and keep from harming your body; for neither adolescence nor youth has any lasting value.

6A. Sex – I Corinthians 7:5 — Do not deprive each other, except for a limited time, by mutual agreement, and then only so as to have extra time for prayer; but afterwards, come together again. Otherwise, because of your lack of self-control, you may succumb to the Adversary’s temptation.

6B. Personal time – Matthew 6:6 — But you, when you pray, go into your room, close the door, and pray to your Father in secret. Your (heavenly) Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

7. Honor your vows, do not make rash promises.

Ecclesiastes 5:4 — Better not to make a vow than to make a vow and not discharge it.

 Barriers and Concerns

8. Scheduled time for each other – body clock, needs to take into consideration for work.

Ecclesiastes 3: 7– a time to tear and a time to sew, a time to keep silent and a time to speak

9. At times the articulation of situations is difficult because it may be stated in a way that is not received well by the other person.

Jeremiah 33:3 — Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know. ‘

10. Express needs in a timely manner; seek to clarify not confront

Ephesians 4:26 — Be angry, but don ‘t sin – don ‘t let the sun go down before you have dealt with the cause of your anger;

11. Take time for personal health – hormone levels & allergies, family, social relationships, personal choices with time usage, and husband – work and other.

1 Peter 5: 7 — Throw all your anxieties upon him, because he cares about you.

12. Learn to focus and listen for meaning in the moments of silence.

James 1:26 — Anyone who thinks he is religiously observant but does not control his tongue is deceiving himself, and his observance counts for nothing.

Ecclesiastes 3:7 — a time to tear and a time to sew, a time to keep silent and a time to speak,

Potential Solutions

13. Prioritize/Honor scheduled times, whenever possible. If not then reschedule next opportunity.

Colossians 4:5 — Behave wisely toward outsiders, making full use of every opportunity

14. Articulate the feeling in difficult situations in a way that is received well by the other person.

Ephesians 4:29 — Let no harmful language come from your mouth, only good words that are helpful in meeting the need, words that will benefit those who hear them.

15. Never assume understanding, ask for clarification before action.

Proverbs 4:7 — The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding.

Goals and Opportunities

16. Honor commitments.

2 Timothy 2:15 — Do all you can to present yourself to God as someone worthy of his approval, as a worker with no need to be ashamed, because he deals straightforwardly with the Word of the Truth.

17. Articulate feelings/needs in a kind and timely manner.

Proverbs 16:24 — Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweet to the taste and healing for the body.

There is a difference between knowing G-d can and G-d will, and there is a difference between praying for restoration and letting your only faith be in G-d, such that your prayers reflect what He desires of you; and that is, to be His alone!

When you understand the difference, when G-d is your only source of Joy, then is when miracles happen, because He knows you are His and His alone. All you can do; all that Father Adonai wants of you is to make Him first in your life. Let go of everything else and walk in faith.

Human being, you have already been told
what is good, what Adonai demands of you —
no more than to act justly, love grace
and walk in purity with your God.
Micah 6:8 Complete Jewish Bible (CJB)

His love is greater than our human love, better, stronger, deeper. His love was enough that Yeshua endured the torment of crucifixion. Let this love consume you, and when it does you will pray after His will!

While I was alone in my cluttered office my wife came in with a pair of my jeans. I’d been working in the yard building a sidewalk of crushed rock for her under the clothesline I’d designed and hand-built last summer. I’d forgotten to clean out the cuff of my jeans, which typically fill with rocks and rock dust after an afternoon smashing the rock by hand (I like doing work by hand). She’d come in to tell me she’d found a collection of about a dozen and a half BBs I’d had in the coin pocket.

She said, “I was shaking your jeans out in the garage and these fell out. I picked up as many as I could.”

“Thank you,” I replied. “I appreciate your dedication in taking care of me!”

A smile lit her face as she bent over kissing me deeply.

The two cents worth of insignificantly small BBs could have been left on the dusty garage floor. My wife cared enough about me to carefully pick them up one by one, for which I was grateful. Grateful for her, for her love and concern for me. Yet they were just BBs, so what if I hadn’t been? What difference would a few BBs mean? There weren’t enough to fill a tea spoon, yet…

I remember reading a similar story years ago about a man and his wife’s love of kitsch tchotchkes (small and inexpensive decorative items, usually considered in poor taste). She enjoyed finding them at out of the way shops and online and proudly displayed them on the window ledge of the immense bay window facing the street.

Yet, because these were thrift shop finds no more than a dollar of so in cost, whenever she was out of the room, he’d move them to the entertainment cabinet out of sight of the street. She immediately returns them to the window when she noticed, and he complained, whereas she quietly said, “I like them.” He couldn’t understand her fascination and love of collecting and displaying them, and he let them become an irritant to him.

His wife, who’d been in ill health for some time, eventually succumbed to her illness and passed away. Though he disparaged her collection, the collection which brought her great satisfaction and joy, he genuinely loved his wife and mourned her loss from that day onward. After time had passed his children began to insist it was time to move on. Either pass on her things or store them away, they said. Move on.

So, one day, while he began sorting through her belongings he noticed the dusty tchotchkes on the cabinet (where he last moved them). In a crushing moment of realization, he understood what they’d meant to her. He realized he had made her hobby into a point of division, not union in their lives. Realizing that he’d been wrong, instead of encouraging and supporting her, he’d been discouraging and resentful toward his wife. In tears he gently dusted off the small ceramic figurines and proudly moved them to the window ledge for all to see.

As far as I know the cute figurines are still on the window ledge to this day.

1. Inside The Mind of a Prodigal
2. I Regret My Divorce
3. I’m having HUGE regrets of my divorce
4. How Should a Christian View Marriage and Divorce?
5. Wallerstein, J., Lewis, J., & Packer Rosenthal, S. (2013). Mothers and their children after divorce: Report from a 25-year longitudinal study. Psychoanalytic Psychology, 30(2), 167–184. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0032511

 

My wife loves to make lists, me not so much, but I can get into it when it is important (such as when she wants to make one). I have to post them conspicuously so I reread and remember them. She’s better at it than am I (both the making and remembering, but I do try).

Well, here’s one of the lists we made together. She crafted the categories, numbered subheadings, etc., all I did was minor editorial work and added the verses. Though this list is copyright (2012-2021) you may freely copy and edit to suit your circumstances as long as you give credit to (Dr. Ramon Argila de Torres y Sandoval & Dr. Alma de Torres y Sandoval.

To G-d be the glory!

Norms

1. Remember that we love each other.

Ephesians 4:2-3 — Always be humble, gentle and patient, bearing with one another in love, and making every effort to preserve the unity the Spirit gives through the binding power of shalom.

2. Listen respectfully when the other is speaking.

Luke 11:28 — But he said, “Far more blessed are those who hear the word of God and obey it!”

3. Provide opportunity for the other person to speak.

Proverbs 15:23 — People take pleasure in anything they say; but a word at the right time, is very good.

4. Choose to be solution oriented.

  Proverbs 3:6 — In all your ways acknowledge him; then he will level your paths.

5. Acknowledge that Adonai is the ruler of the Universe and also our home.

Joshua 24:15– If it seems bad to you to serve Adonai, then choose today whom you are going to serve! Will it be the gods your ancestors served beyond the River? or the gods of the Emori, in whose land you are living? As for me and my household, we will serve Adonai!
5A. Acknowledge the plain meaning of scripture.

II Timothy 3:16 — All Scripture is God-breathed and is valuable for teaching the truth, convicting of sin, correcting faults and training in right living; thus anyone who belongs to God may be fully equipped for every good work.

6. Take time to relax together, unwind, date night.

Ecclesiastes 11:10 — Therefore, remove anger from your heart; and keep from harming your body; for neither adolescence nor youth has any lasting value.

6A. Sex

1 Corinthians 7:5 — Do not deprive each other, except for a limited time, by mutual agreement, and then only so as to have extra time for prayer; but afterwards, come together again. Otherwise, because of your lack of self-control, you may succumb to the Adversary’s temptation.

6B. Personal time

Matthew 6:6 — But you, when you pray, go into your room, close the door, and pray to your Father in secret. Your (heavenly) Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

7. Honor your vows, do not make rash promises.

Ecclesiastes 5:4 — Better not to make a vow than to make a vow and not discharge it.

 Barriers and Concerns:

1. Scheduled time for each other – body clock, needs to take into consideration for staying late at work.

Ecclesiastes 3:7– a time to tear and a time to sew, a time to keep silent and a time to speak

2. At times the articulation of situations is difficult because it may be stated in a way that is not received well by the other person.

Jeremiah 33:3 — Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.’

3. Express needs e.g. feeling in a timely manner; ask “What do you mean by that?”

Ephesians 4:26 — Be angry, but don’t sin – don’t let the sun go down before you have dealt with the cause of your anger;

4. Betty is feeling pressures regarding personal health – hormone levels & allergies, family – son – social relationships, daughter – personal choices with time usage, and husband – work and other.

1 Peter 5:7 — Throw all your anxieties upon him, because he cares about you.

5. Understand the need to focus and listen for meaning in silence.

James 1:25 — But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.

Ecclesiastes 3:7 — a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak.

 Potential Solutions:

1. Prioritize/Honor scheduled times, whenever possible. If not then reschedule next opportunity.
Colossians 4:5 –– Behave wisely toward outsiders, making full use of every opportunity

2. Articulate the feeling in difficult situations in a way that is received well by the other person.
Ephesians 4:29 — Let no harmful language come from your mouth, only good words that are helpful in meeting the need, words that will benefit those who hear them.

3. Never assume understanding, ask for clarification before action.

Proverbs 4:7 — The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding.

 Goals and Opportunities:

1. Honor scheduled times.

2 Timothy 2:15 — Do all you can to present yourself to God as someone worthy of his approval, as a worker with no need to be ashamed, because he deals straightforwardly with the Word of the Truth.

2. Articulate feelings in a kind and timely manner.

Proverbs 16:24 — Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweet to the taste and healing for the body.

Dr. Ramón Argila de Torres y Sandoval

Dr. Alma Elizabeth de Torres y Sandoval

I used to listen to the BTG Movement YouTube videos quite often. In the video titled, “You Have the Keys to Move Forward,” (no longer available) Sheila began to speak about a dream she’d had about once a year before during and after her separation. A year after she was restored the 2^nd time, she was so afraid that she was considering leaving her marriage. She prayed to G-d, then one night had that same dream over again.

Whereas the dream was always black and white and about walking out of her house as she passed her brand-new car (which she did not want to drive to school for fear of getting it dirty) choosing instead a long bus trip to a high school where she always took a test on subjects she had never had and failed. This time the car appeared a beautiful metallic blue while the rest of the dream was in black and white.

Entering the car she sat inside wondering at how beautiful the car was. She reveled in the sights and scents of a new car as she saw her family walking out of her house. She realized she didn’t have to endure that long bus ride, to go back to high school, to test in subjects she’d no preparation to take. She left the car and walked inside the house with her family.

She said it was as if the L-rd had said, “You have always had the keys.”

And thus, it is so. He has given us the keys to our lives, to our marriage and to live fully in him, to live in a new and miraculous life! Only surrender!

Dr. Ramón Argila de Torres y Sandoval

1. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fu04UIsej9c (no longer available)

2. The BTG Movement was shuttered in 2018.

Edited: September 06, 2020

Have you ever wondered about where G0d’s will and your will begin and end? People operating in their will are no competition for the will of G0d. Too many times people who are faced with a decision in their will, made wholly within their will think their will is greater than G0d’s will.

How many times have you heard…

“God never imposes his will by force.”

“God does not push us into His kingdom against our will.”

“God won’t over ride our free will.”

These statements presuppose the belief that G0d is powerless to affect our stubborn will. But do we believe G0d is omniscient, or do we suppose He was surprised by someone walking away from His perfect will? Yet, if you believe G0d is omnipotent, how does that mean He is powerless to work in a man’s or woman’s heart?

G0d’s holy word says,

Then it happened when he turned his back to leave Samuel, G0d changed his heart; and all those signs came about on that day.

1 Samuel 10:9

It is quite apparent that G0d is able to change a human heart.

Let his mind be changed from that of a man and let a beast’s mind be given to him, and let seven periods of time pass over him.

Daniel 4:16

He is able to change a man’s mind, even to the mind of a beast.

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.

Rav Shaul’s (Paul) Second Letter to the Corinthians 5:17

If we are in Maschiach we are a new creation (creature) and all that is old (sinful) is gone for we are NEW in Him! Why would we then not rather choose to do His will?

I will give them a heart to know Me, for I am the L0RD; and they will be My people, and I will be their G0d, for they will return to Me with their whole heart.

Jeremiah 24:7

G0d says that He gives us a heart to know Him, and we are His!

Moreover, I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; and I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.

Ezekiel 36:26

Our very heart, once like stone is made new by G0d’s power for His design.

But he is a Jew who is one inwardly; and circumcision is that which is of the heart, by the Spirit, not by the letter; and his praise is not from men, but from G0d.

Romans 2:29

We who believe have been circumcised, that is, our hearts are changed by the hand of G0d.

Create in me a clean heart, O G0d, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

Tehillim (Psalm) 51:10

And we desire that change, desire to walk in accordance with the heart He gives us.

For the sorrow that is according to the will of G0d produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death.

Rav Shaul’s (Paul) Second Letter to the Corinthians 7:10

For our repentance in Messiah is one that He leads us through and into life.

And I will give them one heart, and put a new spirit within them and I will take the heart of stone out of their flesh and give them a heart of flesh,

Ezekiel 11:19

Our very heart and spirit change to be conformed to G0d’s desire for us.

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of G0d is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.

Romans 12:2

So, if we walk away from our marriage, or our relationship with Him, He has power to changes us, to create in our heart a newness, to have our thoughts become His thoughts all done by His power for His glory.

He changes times and seasons;

he deposes kings and raises up others.

He gives wisdom to the wise

and knowledge to the discerning.

Daniel 2:21

He has power that none may resist, but it is not a power to crush or destroy our hearts, rather our hearts and minds are changed. A change we accept because it is, ultimately, a matter of His glory as our will conforms to His will when he changes our heart and spirit. We change when we walk in His spirit.

Dr. Ramón Argila de Torres y Sandoval

Edited: September 06, 2020

When I was growing up divorce was rare, not so rare as to be unheard of, but rare enough that we all “knew” that it was wrong. I say “knew” because the feelings we had then was of a hushed sense of wrongness, of understanding there was something unintended yet dynamically painful. Before the era of unilateral divorce, marriages had to be attacked from both sides, that is, both parties had to agree (in the sense of conferring consent) even if not on a personal, emotional or spiritual level. When divorce was one sided it was the aggrieved partner, the one who discovered an affair, or other horrific wrong to justify the divorce. Divorce is not the same today.

The ease with which a rebellious partner attains to a divorce is astounding. Michelle Davis (author; ‘The Divorce Remedy’) wrote, “My experience is that divorce is almost always unilateral. It’s not a democracy. One person gets to decide the fate of not only the marriage but the family,” (Emphasis added). Inevitably children are most often the victims of one or both parents’ desire to dissolve a natural relationship in an unnatural way. Chip Ingram (author; ‘Love, Sex and Lasting Relationships’) wrote, “They kept asking me to choose who I wanted to stay with. Why couldn’t they choose to stay together?”

Even if a divorced spouse later remarries and finds some measure of happiness; the pain of the divorce has lasting consequences in that children’s lives fall apart (Elizabeth Marquardt; ‘The Emotional Hurdles of Living through a Divorce’; FamilyLife.com Broadcast 10/24/06). In contrast to the children of divorce, children whose parents remain married received benefits (advantages) which extend into their adult lives (Linda Wait, Maggie Gallagher; ‘The Case for Marriage’).

And those benefits do not only accrue to the children, married partners in the long-term “live longer, healthier lives with higher levels of emotional well-being and lower rates of mental illness and emotional distress. (They) make more money than otherwise similar singles and build more wealth and experience – than do cohabitating couples with similar income levels.” (Maggie Gallagher, ‘The Institute for Marriage and Public Policy’).

Somewhere in searching for answers to why my ex wanted to become my ex I discovered the statement that couples who struggled through the bad times five years later were far happier together than those who divorced and remarried. I know that though I’ve remarried and am happier being with someone whose life is intertwined with my own, who loves the L0rd as much as do I (loves Him more than she loves me as it should be), the undercurrent of unease, which occurs when one or both partners bring the past into their present relationship – is gone. I’ve learned, over time, to trust that my wife loves G0d and is willing to do all she is able to do to continue in love. This is how marriage ought to be.

In the years after I was forcibly divorced I felt so alone, as if I’d made a mistake, a horrible mistake and if I worked hard enough or believed enough I could fix the error and restore what was lost. As I said above, in finally coming to terms with my ex’s decision to abandon our family, I found someone better in so many ways, someone who trusts more in a loving G0d than in a flawed human decision making paradigm. I finally understand it isn’t about being with someone in a guaranteed relationship, one safe from divorce, it is about being in a right relationship with G0d and it is G0d who safeguards marriage.

I couldn’t make her want to stay, and I understand now that my decision to not fight her was biblically correct. My life with my wife (today) is far richer in so many ways. First we understood that being married to someone who loves G0d more than self or your spouse matters more than anything else. Second, we met pursuing similar goals; in a post-graduate doctoral program and we were both school teachers. Yet there were so many other factors.

We both have a Hispanic background: my mother was born in Mexico, my father was raised in New Mexico and spoke Spanish while growing up. Her parents were missionaries who learned to speak Spanish in Mexico, where she was born. In fact my wife learned Spanish as her first language. While I am not saying that these things alone make for a good marriage, it is common knowledge that similar backgrounds make for an easier path in marriage.

Ultimately, what I am saying is this, “…if there is even one-half of an ounce of friendliness left in your marriage, take each other by the hand, look at each other’s eyes and then remember of the love that brought you together in the first place! Let each other know, somehow, that you are needed, loved and wanted!” (Guy M. Bradley, West Point, Utah, Deseret News, January 11, 2001, Letters to the Editor, A-10).

Dr. Ramón Argila de Torres y Sandoval

Edited: September 06, 2020

My prayers are for obedience to G0d, to his mitzvot (commands). In Luke 16:18, a verse that truly applies to male and female, we learn if believers divorce their spouse (yes, even if the spouse is an unbeliever) they commit adultery.

For married couples on the edge of separation or divorce G0d commands (Ephesians 5:33) a man to love his wife and the wife to respect her husband; neither one has to earn love or earn respect, it is a command to do! The modern culture and church, which has abandoned its role in the family to SJWs (an oxymoron) in the society, teaches we should all love unconditionally. This is true in obedience to the command, yet they ignore the last part of the verse saying “respect” must be earned.

Right about here those who have decided to follow their own way are being triggered and begin to rant; I am not going to feed his/her ego at my expense, or let him/her order me around, nor will I become a second class citizen, treated like a child….” and on and on. The point being made seems to be “(s)he isn’t better than me” and that is true. We know all have sinned (failed) and fallen short of G0d’s standards.

Imagine saying, “I know I am commanded to respect my husband, but he doesn’t deserve it and I don’t feel like giving him something he didn’t earn.” Imagine a phone call in the morning from your work asking if you’re OK only to hear, “I know I have to go to work in the morning, but my boss doesn’t deserve it and I don’t feel like giving (him/her) something (he/she) didn’t earn.” How long would you have a job? Yet, we get up morning after morning and go to work, even if our boss doesn’t deserve us to be there. Yet, G0d’s command is to love your wife unconditionally and the wife to respect her husband unconditionally.

Why love or respect unconditionally? Why is he commanded to love and she commanded to respect? The simple answer is G0d is not into redundant commands. A husband knows and understands respect intuitively, after all, consider how men function; a man in the military when he respects his commander will work and fight and even die for honor and to show his respect for that commander. Most men know this and a few do not. Yet, nearly all men have difficulty expressing love, which is not to say men do not love, we do, it is that we are built to live in respect and honor.

A recent survey conducted by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, best-selling author of Love and Respect asked,

If you were forced to choose one of the following, which would you prefer to endure…to be left alone and unloved in the world, or to feel inadequate and disrespected by  everyone?

In his original sample of 400 males, 74% said that if they were forced to choose, they would prefer feeling alone and unloved rather than feeling disrespected and inadequate (p.49). He collected data on a female sample and found that a comparable majority would rather feel disrespected and inadequate than alone and unloved. Based on this data, Eggerichs concluded that a wife “needs love just as she needs air to breathe” and a husband “needs respect just as he needs air to breathe” (p. 37).

Though somewhat generalized in nature (women as well as men yearn for validation and for respect) Eggerichs’ study illustrated an essential component of a healthy marriage. Men and women both need love and respect, but the balance tilts more toward how these are perceived among men and women. Men tend to see a lack of loving behavior as disrespect, while women rightly see a lack of loving behavior as disinterest or a lack of love in the relationship. Yet, it it remains true that both men and women desire both love and respect.

Finally 1 Corinthians 7:10-13 (Believers are commanded to NOT divorce, or if they do violate the command are then commanded to Never remarry anyone but the spouse they divorced. If they do remarry anyone it is adultery. And this is precisely the situation many find themselves in; they’ve divorced and remarried. Yet, divorce (again) is NOT the answer. Think of this, the bible tells us G0d hates divorce. Realistically this means even second divorces. Thus it is reasonable to conclude if you did err in a divorce, or were divorced unjustly and are remarried, remain where you were called.

As long as one is not wrapped up in a marriage that is harmful, suffering abuse (self or children), or unrepentant adultery – the bible indicates this divorce is just. But understand this line of reasoning for marital fidelity:

Proverbs 20:25 “It is a trap to dedicate something rashly and only later to consider one’s vows.”

Ecclesiastes 5:5 “It is better not to make a vow than to make one and not fulfill it.”

Matthew 5:33-34 “Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not break your oath, but fulfill to the Lord the vows you have made.’ But I tell you, do not swear an oath at all: either by heaven, for it is God’s throne.”

Ephesians 5:31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

In other words, marriage vows are treated as sacred before G0d, so where does the bible speak about divorce? What reasons are given? (Please Note: This in NO WAY endorses unjust divorce because you found someone else, or – barring adultery or abuse – have fallen out of love. The only factors which precipitate divorce is when there is deliberate, ongoing, ugly unrepentant sin from one partner.)

I believe there are two biblically endorsed views of divorce. The first is:

“For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.” (Emphasis added)

Rav Shaul’s (Paul) Letter to the Corinthians 7:14-15

The greek word chorizo (pronounced kho-rid’-zo) means to separate, to rip asunder, that is then to mean divorce for what else would put a marriage asunder (to divide into separate pieces) but divorce? We are to be at peace and let them go. Remarriage is allowed.

The second is repeated twice in Matityahu (Matthew) 5:32 and 19:9 saying whoever divorces his wife (husband) except for sexual immorality and marries another, commits adultery. I hold that a correct view of these verses (in light of the two conditions where AND means conjoined) and both are necessary to fulfill the conditions of the statement, allows one to divorce a sexually immoral and unrepentant spouse and later remarry.

Therefore, though divorce is justified when an unbeliever (does not accept Yeshua) and wants to divorce, the believer is not bound and may remarry (as I did), or they may choose to remain as they are. They may even choose to wage spiritual battle for their wayward spouse in order to renew the family bond. Though once remarriage occurs for either spouse there are other considerations.

Briefly (because this view advocates violating scripture) there are those who insist that one MUST divorce a second spouse to remarry the first. As stated, this is a view opposed to scripture which considers remarriage to a prior spouse an abomination before the L0rd (Jeremiah 3:1). These people are wrong in so many ways. The law of the L0rd is very clear, very precise and we violate it at our peril. I am in prayer for all marriages, but especially those of believers so they walk in G0d’s way.

Ultimately one must consider their relationship with the Father as the preeminent factor in life. If that relationship is maladjusted all else will be as well.

Eggerichs, E. (2004). Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, Inc.

Dr. Ramón Argila de Torres y Sandoval

Edited: September 06, 2020