Random Thoughts on Marriage

My prayers are for obedience to G0d, to his mitzvot (commands). In Luke 16:18, a verse that truly applies to male and female, we learn if believers divorce their spouse (yes, even if the spouse is an unbeliever) they commit adultery.

For married couples on the edge of separation or divorce G0d commands (Ephesians 5:33) a man to love his wife and the wife to respect her husband; neither one has to earn love or earn respect, it is a command to do! The modern culture and church, which has abandoned it’s role in the family to SJWs (an oxymoron) in the society, teaches we should all love unconditionally. This is true in obedience to the command, yet they ignore the last part of the verse saying “respect” must be earned.

Right about here (now) feminazi’s (as opposed to feminists) are being triggered and begin to rant; I am not going to feed his ego at my expense, or let him order me around, nor will I become a second class citizen, treated like a child….” and on and on. The point being made seems to be “he isn’t better than me” and that is true. We know all have sinned (failed) and fallen short of G0d’s standards.

Imagine saying, “I know I am commanded to respect my husband, but he doesn’t deserve it and I don’t feel like giving him something he didn’t earn.” Imagine a phone call in the morning from your work asking if you’re ok only to hear, “I know I have to go to work in the morning, but my boss doesn’t deserve it and I don’t feel like giving (him/her) something (he/she) didn’t earn.” How long would you have a job? Yet, we get up morning after morning and go to work, even if our boss doesn’t deserve us to be there. Yet, G0d’s command is to love your wife unconditionally and the wife to respect her husband unconditionally.

Why love or respect unconditionally? Why is he commanded to love and she commanded to respect? The simple answer is G0d is not into redundant commands. A husband knows and understands respect intuitively, after all, consider how men function; a man in the military when he respects his commander will work and fight and even die for honor and to show his respect for that commander. Most men know this and a few do not. Yet, nearly all men have difficulty expressing love, which is not to say men do not love, we do, it is that we are built to live in respect and honor.

A recent survey conducted by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, best-selling author of Love and Respect asked,

If you were forced to choose one of the following, which would you prefer to endure…to be left alone and unloved in the world, or to feel inadequate and disrespected by  everyone?

In his original sample of 400 males, 74% said that if they were forced to choose, they would prefer feeling alone and unloved rather than feeling disrespected and inadequate (p.49). He collected data on a female sample and found that a comparable majority would rather feel disrespected and inadequate than alone and unloved. Based on this data, Eggerichs concluded that a wife “needs love just as she needs air to breathe” and a husband “needs respect just as he needs air to breathe” (p. 37).

Though somewhat generalized in nature (women as well as men yearn for validation and for respect) Eggerichs’ study illustrated an essential component of a healthy marriage. Men and women both need love and respect, but the balance tilts more toward how these are perceived among men and women. Men tend to see a lack of loving behavior as disrespect, while women rightly see a lack of loving behavior as disinterest or a lack of love in the relationship. Yet, it it remains true that both men and women desire both love and respect.

Finally 1 Corinthians 7:10-13 (Believers are commanded to NOT divorce, or if they do violate the command are then commanded to Never remarry anyone but the spouse they divorced. If they do remarry anyone it is adultery. I think though divorce is justified if an unbeliever (does not accept Yeshua) wants to divorce the believer is not bound and may remarry (as I did). Some say that you have to divorce the 2nd spouse to remarry the first, this is an abomination to the L0rd (Jeremiah 3:1). These people are wrong in so many ways. The law of the L0rd is very clear, very precise and we violate it at our peril. I am in prayer for all marriages, but especially those of believers so they walk in G0d’s way.

 

Eggerichs, E. (2004). Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, Inc.

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